you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
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We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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