I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
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Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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