sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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