apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
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Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I didn't notice because vodka
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
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