Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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