I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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