Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize