so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I bet he comes in French.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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