OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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