Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
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We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
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You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
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