Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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