i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize