hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
as a side note pls kill me
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