Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
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she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
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