come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
