just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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