Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize