New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize