Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
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I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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