Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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