It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize