I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
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Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
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as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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