I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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