i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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