You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis needs a shock collar
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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