Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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