We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
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Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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