went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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