We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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