i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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