Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
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our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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