remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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