dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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