I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
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Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
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It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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