Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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