Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im holly from the hills drunk
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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