My hand turned me down
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize