Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
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Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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