Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
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Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
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We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
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