Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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