Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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