how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize