The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
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