an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
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don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
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You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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