why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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