so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize