I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
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I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
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Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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