there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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