but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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