wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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