she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
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He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
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He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
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